Last week, Madeline Chauvin watched The Spectacle, and sent us this short story, inspired by the running gag of “Pony Wife”. If you were at the show, you’ll see that she drops several references to lines and actions from the actual show, even though the content is wildly different.
The Pony-Wife
By Madeline Chauvin
She was a real looker, the Pony-Wife. Long tousled blond locks, flanks to die for, and legs that went on forever. Her thick white teeth and proud flared nostrils only added to her mystique.
She’d been hitched young, to the vicar’s son. The husband did not like to cuddle or hug or kiss, but marriage had been her life-goal, and, anyway, it freed her from the tether of her parents. That her husband had previously been engaged to Miss Ellsworth did not concern her, for that lady’s lack of dexterity and near-constant spillage of milk upon her chin were most unappealing.
Perhaps it was the butterflies flitting about before the Pony-Wife’s eyes that blinded her to her husband’s infidelity. He was charming but not that charming, and so it never occurred to her to not trust him. And so she was surprised when her elderly aunt neighed that he had indeed gone back to his bachelor ways, frolicking with Miss Ellsworth in the stable.
Disbelieving, the Pony-Wife galloped, crying, to the stable, where she encountered her husband and Miss Ellsworth mating on the floor of a stall. Her husband looked up, surprised, and announced that their improper conduct was misinterpreted, that they had just been fumbling about in the hay.
The Pony-Wife was stunned and, gasping, did what came naturally- she stomped the life right out of the two of them.
When the carnage was over and she was able to catch her breath, she tossed her head and trotted over to the kitchen, where she instructed the staff to cut up the bodies and feed them to her aunt. They were not shocked, for, as servants they knew their place, and, regardless, she could not understand much of their language, being course and the words clipped.
At dinner that night, as she dined on apples and carrots, her aunt remarked on the surprising flavor of her meat. The Pony-Wife merely curled up her lips and went back to thinking silly female thoughts.
Want to see a show for yourself? The Spectacle is still free for the time being. Reserve your tickets here.
What a charming, compact story. I look forward to Ms. Chauvin’s future outings.