“Marathon” Means “A Place With Fennel,” Seriously

By Ryan Hill

You know what “Marathon” means in Greek? It means “a place with fennel,” as in the herb. Seriously.

You see, sometime before 490 BC (it’s difficult to find the exact date because the history gets all caught up in a legend about a runner and leaves out important things like the founding of a town) some Greeks settled in a place where a lot of fennel grew. Fennel (“marathos” in Greek) is useful for making tasty food, and as a medicine, so that makes sense. The town founders could’ve used some improv training, as they called it “A Place With Fennel,” which, in Greek, is “Marathon.”

Somewhere around 2500 years ago the Persian Empire invaded Greece. I’m not going to actually recommend the film “300,” but that film is, sort of, about that conflict. Well, it’s actually, sort of, about the Second Persian Invasion of Greece, which started in 480 BC, which is later. The First Persian Invasion of Greece started in 492 BC, 12 years earlier. That BC stuff always messes with my head, sort of.

The Greeks (mostly Athenians) put a stop to the first invasion near the town of Marathon. This victory proved that the Persians could be beaten, and set the stage for the Greeks ultimate triumph in the larger conflict, which led to 200 years of advancement of Greek civilization: you know, little things like philosophy, democracy, mathematics, science, theater, gyros! Some have even argued that the Battle of Marathon was a major turning point in history and that our world would be wildly different if the Greeks had lost.

Let’s go with that.

Here’s where we go from “fennel” to “running a long way.” So the roads in ancient Greece were rocky, hilly and rough. Being a professional running courier was a serious deal. You were needed and you were a fit dude. That part is historically true. Please note that the next part is legendary. Several significant historians mention it, though they each give the guy a different name. After the battle was won, a professional running courier named either Pheidippides, Philippides, Thersippus or Eukles supposedly ran from the battlefield at Marathon (the place with the fennel) to Athens. According to the (rather dramatic) story, he announced the victory and promptly died.

When the modern Olympic games were first held in 1896 a French philosopher (figures) named Michael Breal suggested the Marathon to the International Olympic Committee and they thought it was a cool idea. The very first one was actually on a route between Marathon and Athens, but the modern distance of 26 miles, 385 yards is actually based on the distance between Windsor Castle and the White City Stadium in London, the route for the 1908 Olympic Marathon. The distance that was run in the legend is most likely around 25-and-a-half miles.

Since then, the word “Marathon” has been applied to anything that’s done for a long time. In the 1920s and 1930s dance marathons were popular, and still happen today. There are several annual charity dance marathons, including a 46-hour dance marathon at Penn State University that is the largest student-run charity event it the world. It raised more than $12 million for children’s cancer research in 2013. It has raised over $78 million since it started in 1973.

There are also reading marathons, rocking chair marathons, crafting marathons, cleaning marathons, kissing marathons, etc. They are very often charity events. Just like the Hideout’s Improv Marathon, which raises money to give improv classes to kids who would otherwise not be able to afford it.

Running over a rocky road for a few hours is hard, but it seems obvious to me that the most difficult part of the improv marathon is sleep deprivation. There are a wide-variety of negative effects of sleep deprivation, including aching muscles, confusion, memory loss, depression, hallucinations, tremors, headaches, malaise, styes, sensitivity to cold, periorbital puffiness (that’s a fancy way of saying “bags under your eyes”), high blood pressure, high stress hormones, risk of diabetes, risk of fibromyalgia, irritability, nystagmus (your eyes moving around a lot), obesity, yawning, ADHD-like symptoms, psychosis and temper tantrums. Sleep deprivation is also an effective treatment for depression!

It’s at this point that I’d like to encourage the Marathon players to remember that the story about the guy dying is a legend. Also, your chances of dying over the weekend are remote in the extreme, but you might get a stye. Also, one of the “Hardcore Four,” those who are watching the entirety of the Marathon, is an intensive care nurse. Also, the children deeply appreciate your sacrifice and you will be remembered fondly.

And so, we send our best and brightest into the breach, to do what they must, to give their all, to go where few people have gone before, to make stuff up for a very, very long time, for the children. Let me tell you that sleep-deprived improv is damned entertaining, especially in the wee morning hours. It could be a turning point in history. Come check it out! I’ll bring the fennel.

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